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Thoughts on a sonnet I wrote?
Sonnet
I wouldn’t stop by there, if I were you,
On the sculpted apex and wide chicane
Of lofted paths shepherding autumn plains—
For all you suppose it affords a view,
An outcast girl, a summer back or two,
Sheltered where you stand from the August rain
And met – before she’d found her way again –
An antic buck, frightened by the thunder too.
It gamboled in, antlers-first and flying;
We saw the clash from the porch-chairs here,
Heard the buck’s neck break, its awkward crying;
She tore silent to the summer plains sheer.
So come away, we meant you no offence,
Next year, perhaps, we’ll consider a fence.
I love every thing about this poem which I think is masterful and shows an immense talent except the line:
She tore silent to the summer plains sheer.
maybe:
Saw her plunge silent to the summer plain below.
As she plunged, silent, to the summer plain below.
Silent she plunged to the summer plain below.
I don't think a buck's cries could be awkward, did you mean plaintive or maybe tormented or anguished?
Lofted means thrown, do you think lofty might be a better choice?
Antique Rustic German horn and antler design arm chair