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Is this a good story so far?
I raced down the stairs of our two story house and found that my little sister, Alice, was all ready for inspection and eating the bland cereal that we had to eat. Breakfast was our only meal with only our family. The bad thing about it was that Grandmother Jaylea made us eat bland cereal for breakfast. Yeah, gross. I quickly brushed my long red curly hair and put it in the required two braids. I was almost ready for inspection when mom came in. She sat down at the barstool. Her dark brown hair trailed long down to her back. Her big lump, our soon-to-be new little sister, almost bumped the counter as she sat down.
Sorry, I didn't check it for grammar and stuff. I'm also just 12 so don't critisize me extremly bad.
Well, for 12 years old, I think you write extremely well! Not only that, but you're pretty much spelling perfect! I only have one criticism, and it's just a small one, try not to use the same verb too much in the same sentence, for instance, where you say "and eating the bland cereal that we had to eat." You might replace it with an adverb and say "and eating our bland cereal unenthusiastically." This is the thing I always make a mistake with, you always need to make sure that the reader can picture your story in their mind, by that I mean: don't just describe what kind of shirt the boy is wearing, describe what colour it is and how long the sleeves are, or don't just describe the shape of the cat, describe the colour and texture of it's fur and the bushiness of its tail, and so on.
Widespread Panic - Barstools - Red Rocks 6/27/2010